Let's go SHOPPING!!

This is my fifth, and hopefully last, year of college, so I'm starting my job hunt in earnest. It's really not a pleasant prospect. My GPA is less than stellar, and my second major is in Art, of all things, so most employers aren't too sympathetic to my workload.

I decided I finally had to buckle down and buy a suit. I've never owned one before. And I really wasn't looking forward to the prospect of shopping for one. Because I am damn picky about my clothes.

Most people who know me will be very surprised by this. I have a fairly standard collection of nondescript jeans and gig t-shirts with a couple of hoodies thrown in. I don't dress up, and the tshirts are baggy and black and I don't wear make up or fuss with my hair. Basically, I appear to be pretty apathetic about the way I look. This is not entirely true, however.

My style could be (and has been) described as "roadie". There are two reasons for this. The first is that it's a very functional look. I can wear it pretty much everywhere I'm likely to be at college, in any season. I don't worry about things staining or getting ripped. And I don't really have to think about anything when I get dressed in the morning, which is really good because I get dressed before I've had coffee. The second reason is that people don't spend time noticing my looks which means they take me seriously that much more quickly. Translation: if I glare, people start running.

There's a third super sekrit reason that I dress the way I do, and it's because when I do decide to clean myself up, people don't recognize me. So I can keep my "street cred" and all that.

The natural assumption that most people make is that I spend no time on my looks. It averages out that way, but finding jeans is just painful. It takes hours. Days even. And formal wear is even worse. I know what I like, and I know what looks good, and I know how things should fit me. But nothing ever fits my requirements. Designers just don't make clothes for someone of my build.

Employers don't really care about what the designers do, so they expect me to be dressed up. I had to at least make an effort to find something to wear. The very thought was miserable.

There are a few tricks that I use when I go shopping. I think they're pretty standard across most of female-dom, but heck, maybe I'm wrong. So here's how I survive an afternoon at the mall:

1. Know what looks good on you. Don't be afraid to be brutally decisive. If you're not sure, it's not good enough. Put it back on the rack. Find something better. Yeah, it will take longer, but it will save time in the long run. Usually the items that cause the most indecision are this season's hottest trends. "This season's hottest trends" is fashion speak for "this is what the drugs told me this time". They don't look good on anyone but models, and they're generally ugly again within 6 months. Don't believe me? Remember the Uggs+miniskirt plague that was going around a while back? Yeah, well, people thought that looked good once. Fools, all of them.

2. Enlist a very honest friend (VHF). Honest enough to give you an honest answer to "Does this make me look fat?" In the unlikely event that your clothes rejection system has failed you, and you're considering something that has managed to sneak by your "bad buy" detection system but is still god-awful, this friend will immediately, and with extreme prejudice, remove the offending garment from your vicinity. She will then proceed to erase all thoughts of such a purchase from your mind and take steps to ensure said thoughts do not reassert themselves. Each VHF has her own methods. They may involve deception, baseball bats, Greek fire, or herds of ferrets. But it's not your job to know about those things. Remember, it's for your own good.

3. Find a good mall. And by good, I mean something with at least two department stores as well as at least a few designer "boutiques". You're picky, remember? So give yourself options. Lots and lots of options. Because you'll know the right thing when you see it, but more importantly, some piece of clothing that started out on the "rejected" list should, at no point, be reconsidered. It's not like it's going to look any better the second time around. Remember, the idea here is to find something good, not convince yourself that it's "not so bad."

4. Give yourself a lot of time. At least a few hours on a given day, and preferably, multiple days. You probably won't need all of it, but you're looking for the perfect thing. Perfection takes time. Shopping is already unpleasant and nothing makes it worse like knowing you're running out of time and not coming up with results. This leads to bad decisions, usually involving polyester. No good. Just resign yourself to the task.

So last Saturday, L. and I went to a mall looking for interview suits. It took about 10 minutes for both of us to break Rule 2 and split up. But the rules are for amateurs. I'm very experienced at being picky, and so is she. So she wandered around Express while I headed back to J.C. Penney's to go stalk some super cute separates I'd seen on the way in.

Separates are my way of cheating the system. The theory behind them is simple: buy a few jackets and a few pairs of pants or skirts and mix and match. The big downside here is that usually these combinations are blatantly not suits. But this set of separates was different. All black, all made of the same fabric, and all classically flattering with a trendy edge. 1 jacket + 2 skirts + 2 pairs of pants = 4 suits. Bonus points for the pants that came with suspenders. Extra bonus points for the 30% sale, bringing the total of all of this to about $130, including a blouse. And... wait for it... you'll never believe... ALL MACHINE WASHABLE!!! VICTORY FOR ZIM! ...errr ME!