That word... I do not think it means what you think it means

A few weekends ago, I got invited to a... get ready for it... tea party. No joke. A friend from work is a member of a gossip blog which was having a gathering for its San Francisco chapter. They decided to have their event at a combined polo shop and tea house near my apartment. J and I had never been and didn't quite know where it was, but fortunately the shop owners had placed a fake life sized horse outside the door. It was a bit of a tip-off.

The party was enjoyable. We were in an enclosed outdoor garden in back with sun umbrellas, tea, wine, and tea sandwiches for a good 4 hours. And I met quite a few interesting people. The vast majority of the attendees were women and I got to talking with one in particular. I never caught her name, so we'll call her SciFi Sally, because she and I share a lot of tastes in books, scifi and fantasy in particular.

Sally was probably 40ish, which encompasses the range from 35 to 55, because I'm a terrible judge of age. She seemed fairly normal, other than her taste in books. She was a professional of some sort, she dressed well, she spoke with eloquence, and she could discuss literature with more than a modicum of intelligence.

It turns out that I have no patience for people who try to impress me without doing some research. Sally made this mistake. We were talking about restaurants. I love going out to eat at high end restaurants. It's not about pretending to be important or rich for a night; it's about the food. There are very few more satisfying ways to end a work week than by going to Boulevard for some braised short ribs and good wine.

I guess this didn't come across to Sally though. Or maybe it was the rock and roll jeans I was wearing. Or maybe she is really just like this all the time and it wasn't about me at all. Her contribution to this conversation was: "Oh yes, I love going to nice restaurants. I love going with my subversive friends and just being subversive in the upscale places." And I gotta say, I had some trouble with this. Her thought process seemed to be along the lines of "Ooooh young person. Must impress the young person with how cool and hip I am."

I'm not averse to being impressed. I love being swept off my feet, and never more than when someone blows me away with how smart they are. Her statement begs the question, "So, when you say you're subversive, what does that mean?" Unfortunately, the answer was, "Oh, we're just there. Just the act of us being there is subversive." Oh really?

(You know how you get to a point in a conversation where you're so disenchanted with what the other person is saying that you start needling them out of sheer boredom? "I gotta say, I'm not really into the subversive thing anymore. I mean, it was cool once, but I've outgrown it. It's a little immature, don't you think?" Sorry Mom, Dad, and Miss Manners.)

That's not subversive.

Getting a good chunk of your coworkers to equip themselves with Carpet Slides? That's subversive.

I was surfing the net on Monday and found this article and video. They amused me. I sent them to a coworker, saying "We need these." I was half kidding. Only half kidding, but there was a definite joke element there. I got back a "HELL YES!!"

Long story short, the video went around the office, and we bought all of Amazon's stock (they had next day delivery, and we needed them RIGHT NOW). And now, we have carpet skates.

I know you're all waiting for a video, but the time line looks like this: Monday -- order carpet skates. Tuesday -- carpet skates arrive. Monday night -- sustain horrible ankle sprain, severely limiting my ability to test the carpet slides. I'm getting better though. Hopefully by next week, I'll have some tricks worked out.

Unfortunately, there were not enough pairs at Amazon to satisfy the needs of the office, and I think one of the guys who couldn't get a pair was jealous. He's started a tally of Carpet Skate WipeOuts. We're up to 4, the most spectacular of which occurred when a Carpet Skate newbie (even newer than the rest of us) decided that for his first jump, he'd try to clear a trash can. I think he was going for 360 degree rotation as well. The resulting crash was amazingly dramatic.

Up until now, you've been thinking, "Yes Hal, this is cool, but this is what software developers do anyway. It's not subversive. It's just sort of dumb and cute." Firstly, I entreat the naysayers to trust me just a little bit. You've seen some of the more dramatic tricks, but you haven't seen the subtleties of movement that these suckers offer. With barely a push off one toe, you can do a casual sideways slide for about 3 feet. Now, you don't just go to meetings, you arrive at meetings, Arthur Fonzarelli style. You are just that cool.

Secondly, y'all don't know about the pocket bikes and the crazy PM with the toolkit.

One of the other teams has a pair of what they call pocket bikes. They are electric motorcycles, probably 1/4 scale, and they're actually ride-able indoors. They don't emit exhaust, as far as I can tell. Occasionally you'll see people zipping up and down aisles on the bikes.

Except that right now, the bikes are both broken. One was working up until a few days ago when someone got all macho with the throttle and broke the handle.

Also, we have this PM, who is, for lack of a better descriptor, an experience. He's very upbeat and happy and likes to get his hands dirty. He looked at the Carpet Skates and looked at the pocket bikes and immediately envisioned a motocross/waterski scenario. Upon hearing that the bikes were out of commission, he immediately vowed to bring in his own toolkit to fix them personally so that we can have carpet skiing competitions.

The lesson to take away here, obviously, is that if you're going to talk to me about being subversive in restaurants, then I want to hear stories about you not only carpet skiing through the dining area, but then subsequently convincing the wait staff that all meals should arrive via carpet skiing waiter.

From Merriam Webster:

subvert (transitive verb): to overturn or overthrow from the foundation